early morning thoughts

what am i doing in this dark room?
i could have been sleeping still,
wake up and prepare for work.
but why am i awake so early?
what have i been doing few hours ago?
why can't i sleep that long?
like others who can't even be awakened easily...

what i feel now?
i don't know...
it's like i am bombarded with so many thoughts...
if i only have days to live, what should i do?
will i ever see those people i wanna see?
will i ever be able to thank those people who have been a part of my life?
will i ever have the chance to thank those who prayed for me?
will i ever make it - ask pardon to those i have hurt so much?
will i ever have enough time to let some people know they've hurt me?
will i ever have the chance to see those people
that i have only met online?
will i ever have the chance to shoot in anawangin
with my fellas?
will i ever have the courage to tell few people that i care for them so much
and that i couldn't just show it?
how about spending some time alone with God?
will i ever let people see what i truly feel?
and what they see is just me, physically?
that they need to dig deeper so that
they will know who i am for real?
that i am human and has the right to get mad...
that i have a heart that is capable to love?
that i also hurt?
that there is still good in me?
that when i commit mistakes,
i asked pardon in silence?

aren't those heavy?
anyways, i don't wanna ba dramatic...
i'll try to do some of those one at a time...
while i am still capable and still have time...
life is short...

oh.. will i ever let my readers know how i feel
while writing this note?