am i really okay? will i be perfectly okay? until when?

i had been into sleepless nights the past days.
maybe because i was really scared.
good thing that i could still control my temper...
but am i really okay?

i don't really struggle.
but few months ago,
i don't feel comfortable.
i have done lots of thinking.
from other petty but many problems
to reminding myself to take my pill
to marking my calendar of when to do what to who.

last 4 months ago, February,
i was advised for an ultrasound by my gynecologist.
the result wasn't good.
i was diagnosed to have a cyst of 7.3cm in my left adnexal.
my gynecologist gave me a 5-day pills
to make me have my period
since i didn't have had it for like almost 8 months prior to my checkup.
it might help reduce the size.

after my period, i've had my 2nd ultrasound.
i went back to my gyne and the result doesn't who good.
the size was still the same.
so i was given a medication for 3 months.
i religiously took the pills.
i was like crazy reminding myself everyday
not to forget taking the drug.

3 months was over.
i have conquered my everyday memory challenge.
i perfectly finished my 3 months medication.

yesterday, i went back to the clinic for my 3rd ultrasound.
i was happy because the left adnexal was already clear.
but another different type of cyst was seen in my right ovary.
what the heck!
i thought it's gonna be over
and here comes another one in my left ovary?
benign though but scary again....
my gyne told me it's a different one..
if before it's non-echoic,now, it's echoic.
she gave me a 10-day pills to start on the 25th
and will be back for my 4th ultrasound next month.
she said if the meds doesn't work,
it's going to be a little bit unsafe.

i just have to cross my fingers again...
and pray...
whatever His plan is, i will take it.
i won't ask Him, why me.

please help me pray....


TO THE READERS:

writing notes is my way of releasing the pressures
and tensions that i feel inside me. my way of expression.
i don't need comments that could add to what i am
feeling right now. so, if you can't say something nice,
just don't comment.